as she learned she hasn't turned an inch in ten years

I want to be an immature person who can move forward in this life without feeling
an ounce of pain for the things that shouldn't matter anymore. 


I hoped the more work I put out there the quicker it would disappear. 




But the thing about knowing only one thing is what happens when its gone? 


These things that consume me like raw fire
curling fingers spitting up around a cracked pot 
cracking me further spilling me on top of the open range 


I don't want any of it. You've seen what it's done to me. I've seen what it's done to me. I've seen what it's done to you. 


But I'd be lost without it. 


When I smile without hiding  and when I laugh without regret


how long will it take you to know i'm missing? 


The world inside of everybody could use some change 
we could evolve with revolving 
it's just a matter of making ourselves turn


and so then she learned she hasn't turned an inch in ten years 
no circular
no curving course 
time standing still illuminating space 
reflecting all the emptiness around her 
how informative we all must be 


she weeps over those
who shouldn't matter anymore and it's just to sad, for she knows
she was never wept for. 

I was curious to where people tied the noose... then I explored my options

I would go to the extent of finding the rope, creating the noose, securing it tightly, then i'd stare up at it as it swayed from the rafters. Just to get a feel.

My imagination will carry me through the rest of it.

My house doesn't seem to support hangings.

sometimes it doesn't support me

It supports past events. Tightly grips onto them carrying them from room to room never letting me forget.

It doesn't matter which room I escape to because the house is everywhere reflecting back on me

telling me what I am

telling me what i'm not

suffocating me until tomorrow

and it's only sad because tomorrow

will never end.

Tomorrow will never end.

To G

I just saw you
There is a cold drift to this summers air
and I think you'd rather be somewhere else 
In your chair you looked at me 
you told me you never felt this way 
and you didn't control it 
because you couldn't control it. 
But I want you to know I love you G 
You're the only one i've ever known 
I don't want you to go 

I want you to know I love you G.