The past in present

PAST

I had my record room

It was a small room in the corner of the house and across from the kitchen

There was a radio, a record player, and an organ.

I was 5, 6, 7, and 8. I went in there often because it was comfort for me.

I loved the feeling that playing the organ gave me. I felt special, almost like I knew something that the rest of the world didn’t.

I felt like I had a talent, but only when I was alone.

I didn’t share my experience with others.

Maybe I was too proud or too selfish.

Maybe I was too nervous of a good thing being taken away.

If I was bad at playing I surely wouldn’t want to hear of it.

PRESENT

 

  I rarely play the piano in front of others

In fact, I rarely play it at all.

My excuse for playing in solitude is that I don’t want others to hear what I feel

I wouldn’t want to put that on anyone

When I play for others it’s fake, it’s nonsense.

It isn’t me and it isn’t real.

I’ve become tempted in the past

But couldn’t muster up the strength

Because rejection is found in many, including myself

And I would never want a good thing taken from me.